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January 1, 2030
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This month's guidance message is about returning to our natural state of living, breathing oneness with God.
Imagine God living through us, and us living through God. This is the way we are meant to live. It’s time to let go of all our wrong thinking and get back to this natural state.
If you want to know how to live as this, look at our beautiful teacher Jesus. He personified this in every way with forgiveness, compassion, non-judgment, love and light flowing through him in every moment, and God’s presence always flowing from him, through him, with him.
We are all meant to have this beautiful presence of God flowing through us.
To get back to this state first requires awareness that it is our natural state, and acceptance that we can attain this state. Then hold the intention that we want to return to this beautiful state. Finally surrender in meditation to this experience.
It’s time to let go of all the feelings of shame and unworthiness that stop you from letting God step close to you. Then go a step further, and let God flow through all of you. Surrender to this pure love and light. Then let your love, light and energy flow back through God.
Ask God and teachers like Jesus to help you to overcome your resistance and return to this natural state. Remember it is the beautiful Force of Love, it is the Divine Light of our Divine Source that we are returning to, to live in living breathing Oneness with.
If we don’t live as this, we are living in oneness with anger, fear, confusion and stress. Gently day by day step back to love and oneness with God, the Source of all Love.
This month’s guidance video is about the simple but powerful practice of tuning in each morning to remember your vision for your life and your vision for this day.
Take time each morning to connect with God, your Divine Source, and ask to be given your vision for today. Don’t just ask - be open to receive the answer. Don’t come with your own list of expectations about what this may be. Sometimes we approach this looking for a list of chores or a to do list for the day, but this is about something deeper – about holding the vision of how you want to be, no matter what is happening around you.
I got a beautiful reminder of this this morning when I asked God to give me my vision for today. I was expecting to be guided to record this video, channel, maybe do some writing, but the vision I got was ‘to sit in the joy of my heart.’ How utterly beautiful is that?
When you let this daily vision permeate everything, it doesn’t matter what is happening around you. Things may not magically become perfect – but you are being a different way in response to them.
For example, I hate being on camera so I’m usually in a bit of a state before recording these videos, but today I tried to sit in the joy in my heart as I recorded, and that transformed the experience. We can let this daily vision guide us to make the small leaps of faith, the small steps forward every day, that build on each other and lead to huge changes in our lives.
I was reminded of the importance of this daily vision a few weeks ago when I found myself spontaneously saying the Our Father one morning in meditation. I was surprised as I hadn’t said any formal prayers in a long time. But it felt beautiful and profound and loving as I repeated it. I thought about it a lot afterwards. Jesus is one of my most beautiful teachers and I pondered why he gave us these words. With these words he was really giving us a way to tap in every day to our bigger vision for life and a prayer that is a daily reminder to focus our vision on this day.
I thought about what those words meant to me now:
Our Divine Source, who is still in the light, who is the Light,
let us raise everything to the sacredness of you.
Help us to create heaven here on earth
and to walk in that heaven here on earth.
Please sustain us with everything we need for this day.
Help us to forgive ourselves and to forgive all others
because we know once we forgive
it will be such a weight off our heart and off our soul
that will allow us to love again.
Help us not to be distracted by the noise of the world
but to live in our living, breathing Oneness with you,
and when we do fall into that distraction
help us to come back to that living, breathing Oneness with you.
So be it.
I find myself still saying the original Our Father, rather than my words, but they now have a deeper resonance for me.
The words that seem most powerful and beautiful to me now are ‘thy will be done’ - the very words I fought against and resisted in my youth, as I felt I was being giving a list of rules and judgements, that I would be judged against. Now I see God’s will or vision for us is to live in beauty and love, and he will give us this vision again and again to remind us of this truth.
Don’t we all yearn to live in this beauty, joy and love every day? Tuning into our vision each morning, listening to God, and surrendering to the beauty that our Divine Source wants us to live in today will lead us to this beauty, joy and love.
Welcome to this month’s guidance video. It’s been a rollercoaster of a year with intense healing happening for us all. The healing continued throughout the summer, when we were forced to slow down and integrate this healing. As September started, the energy started to flow again - and yet many of us still feel unsettled, lost, unclear. It can feel as if we’re going through a shamanic dismemberment, being taken apart, to be put back together in a new way.
Like me, you may have been waiting to get to the other side – but there will always be another side, and if we keep waiting to get to the other side we are never really living in this moment. It’s time to be present and alive in each moment – present and alive to whatever is happening, and present and alive to the Divine.
Sometimes it’s the idea that we have to be a poster child for spirituality and be living a perfect life that keeps us from being present and alive. All you have to be is you.
It’s time to really accept that we do not have two separate lives – our spiritual life and our other life – it’s all one life. It’s time to take all we’ve learnt in our spiritual practices and be it on our daily life. And what have we fundamentally learnt? We’ve learnt to tap into the still and unending part of us that is our soul, and to sit in its peace. We’ve learnt to be still enough and quiet enough to become aware of the Divine. And in those moments when we were absorbed in our practice, we’ve learnt to be present and aware.
This is not about trying and striving. It’s about letting go and surrendering. It’s time to let the Force of Love within us flow out. We often unconsciously push back against this Divine flow of Love. It’s time to simply stop pushing back, to let it flow, to let it transform all.
Our teachers like Jesus, Mary Magdalene, Buddha and Mother Mary made this look so effortless, because they elevated every moment to the sacredness of God. It did not have to be a beautiful moment or a peaceful moment. Every moment was elevated to the sacredness of God.
How do we do this? Be present and alive in this moment, no matter how imperfect it is. Be present and alive to the Divine in this moment, and let that Force of Love flow into this moment and transform all.
RETURN TO LOVE is the theme of this month’s guidance video. As we’re sharing this on the feast day of Mary Magdalene, it starts with a beautiful channelled teaching from her.
Stop listening to your contaminated mind, turn inside yourself and find out what Love means to you – a grown up idea of Love that comes from your own soul and our own inner experience. Let this Love guide you back to your Oneness in Love with your Divine Source.
Here is a short extract from the teaching on the video:
“You are all giving birth to a new world. You are going through such birthing pains at the moment because you are fighting against this birth, fighting against that which cannot be fought. Let yourself flow with it. Play your part in joy. Let yourself birth the light and love you are here to birth by doing what brings you joy and see how easy it becomes to transform yourself and to transform your world.
What is your part? It is the thing within you that brings you such joy. It is the thing within you that has been waiting to burst forth since childhood. It is the thing within you that has been crying out to be freed from you and let into the world. You know in your heart what it is. It makes no difference in what way you manifest this thing in the world, for you can manifest it in a thousand different ways, but you know the thing, the presence, the way of being that longs to be born from you and you must let it come forth now.
The pain of birth is always followed by the joy that makes the pain all seems so meaningless. Do not fear the pain. It is a means to an end – a most beautiful end. It is temporary and elusive, for its substance is not based in reality but in your understanding of and attitude towards reality – and quite often your misunderstanding of reality. So the pain is not real. Only the end result of joy and oneness with your Divine Source is real. Seek this oneness, this final end, and know it will only bring you the joy and peace and ultimate love you crave.”
Focus On You, Surrender & Receive is the theme of this month’s guidance video.
Whether you pray, contemplate, meditate, manifest, it is all just a request to co-create with the Divine.
Two things stop you getting what you’ve asked for – focusing in the wrong direction, and not truly being open to receive what you’ve asked for.
When you ask, pray, try to manifest something, stop asking for someone else to change or for something outside of you to change or to happen. Focus on healing and transforming you. The only thing you can truly change is you. This is not limiting. This is freeing. No-one and nothing can stop you changing and transforming you. Nothing can stop you from becoming the highest, brightest you. And once you’ve changed internally, then you can become the transforming force you want to be in this world.
We are always in a dance between our minds and our souls. But make no mistake – the soul is meant to lead. If you forget the steps, let the soul lead. If it leads you into a freestyle you hadn’t planned on, know it knows what it’s doing and let it lead you to become your highest you. Let yourself enjoy the dance
There are a number of reasons we don’t let ourselves surrender and receive the healing, love, light and guidance of God. We feel we are not worthy. We think there is a limited amount to go around. We think it is a quid pro quo, that there is a cost involved – and at a deep level many of us think this cost will lead us to our crucifixion. But this is so far from the truth.
It does means going to the places inside you that you don’t want to go, listening to the things you don’t want to hear, because these will lead you into the heart of your own soul. This is where the good stuff is. This is where you will find yourself. This should be approached in love not fear. Because the only thing the Divine asks of you is that you give in to your soul’s deep desire to constantly give love to your Divine Creator and receive love from your Creator in a never-ending cycle of love. This is not love as a fluffy idea or an emotion. This is love as a Divine transmuting fire that regenerates you over and over. This is what it means to be reborn, to be born again - to let yourself be regenerated over and over in this transmuting Fire of Love.
Surrender. And without effort the magic you’ve been crying out for will finally happen. Surrender and let the magic of the true you flow in.
Focus on you, surrender and let yourself deeply receive, and live in the joy and love you yearn for, and create that world of Love around you.
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OVERCOMING ABANDONMENT & FINDING ACCEPTANCE is the theme of this month’s guidance message from my Divine Family of teachers.
Many of us have deep seated abandonment issues from
childhood where we may have felt abandoned physically, emotionally or psychologically.
We may be unconsciously repeating this pattern in our relationships and friendships.
Bringing awareness to this helps us to move on to healthier relationships.
Abandonment can also stall us on our spiritual path because we often feel abandoned by God, our Divine Source. This is not true. It is impossible to be abandoned by God. We are one with God and God is one with us. In the moments when we feel abandoned, we cry out and accuse God of leaving us, but this very act pushes us away from our living, breathing, never-ending connection to Him. Instead we can accept what is happening, surrender to that and ask for help to reconnect, so we can feel God’s love, guidance and protection when we need it most, always, without fail.
God, your Divine Teachers and your spiritual guides are with you always. You are never abandoned.
LIVE YOUR TRUTH is the core of this message from the Divine Light on Resurrecting Yourself.
Take charge of your dreams and your vision for your life, drop your ideas of having to suffer, and become a shining, loving presence in this world.
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BE THE HIGHEST, BRIGHTEST YOU is at the heart of Easter Saturday’s channelled message from Mary Magdalene on Resurrecting Yourself.
Step into the All and all you are. Let this be as natural as a rose reaching up to the sun. Simply be.
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WALK BACK TO GOD is the theme of Good Friday’s beautiful channelled message from Jesus on Resurrecting Yourself. Take to your path, led by your soul, following love, and love yourself back to God.
Ask yourself now – which way are you walking?
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RESURRECT YOURSELF is the theme of this month’s guidance video from my Divine Family. As we approach Easter it’s important to remember that the focus is meant be on the resurrection not the crucifixion, that Jesus wanted to show us we are these eternal souls beyond the body, that we are these Beings Of Light and that we can Be our Divine Selves here and now as he did.
In the video we share three steps for resurrecting yourself now. We all go through moments of deep pain and trauma that can feel like crucifixions. I know this from my own life and my heart attacks. But we all have the power to heal this pain, make new choices and resurrect ourselves into a life led by our souls, by the Divine within us. And we all have the power to make that new choice right now.
I will be sharing more channelled video messages over Easter weekend from Jesus, Mary Magdalene and the Divine Light on the theme of resurrecting yourself.
Good Friday – a message from Jesus on walking back to God.
Easter Saturday - a message from Mary Magdalene on being the highest, brightest you.
Easter Sunday – a message from the Divine Light on living your truth.
I will post these videos here and on my public Facebook page each morning.
I’ll also share them on my YouTube channel later each day. Don't forget you can subscribe to my YouTube channel if you want to hear instantly when new videos are added.
Remember you have the power to make a new choice, and even in the midst of pain and confusion, you can change your life now.
This month’s monthly guidance message from my Divine Teachers looks at relationships - how to bring the sacred and divine into relationships, moving beyond romantic love to a deeper love, a reflection on twin soul relationships and a reminder that self love is the basis for all love.
As a poet, writer and spiritual teacher, I strive to be an illuminating, dissenting voice that invites others to think differently and freely.
I never felt this freedom when I was growing up. I was born into the Troubles and all I learnt was to keep quiet, keep my head down and keep out of trouble. I never felt I had spiritual freedom either. Everything I did was defined by my Catholic upbringing – not just how I approached my spiritual life but everything from where I went to school, to what shops I shopped in, where I went clubbing and how I was expected to vote. We were all defined and confined by the religious label attached to us. The spiritual dimension of our lives became contaminated by societal expectations and political baggage.
In a recent article Eammon O’Malley said our society is crying out for humanity and hope. I agree with him. I found my hope in an unexpected way.
At 43 I had two heart attacks in a week. Before my heart attacks I spent my life trying to do the right thing - getting the right job, the right home, the right relationship. But inside I felt empty, deadened. I was a robot going through the motions.
But during my second heart attack I had a moment of epiphany that changed my life. I knew I could choose to close my eyes and go - because I knew without doubt that my body might ‘die’ but ‘I’ would go on; ‘I’ would continue to exist somewhere else, in some other form. But I also knew that whatever I’d come here for, I hadn’t done it yet. In that moment, I faced death and chose to live.
I was no longer afraid of dying. I was afraid of not living. I set out on a journey of sanity to heal myself, transform my life and live a life I had chosen, not a life someone else had chosen for me. I stopped listening to all the voices around me. I stumbled onto my spiritual path.
I also learnt a more practical lesson during my two weeks in the cardiac ward. As the cardiologists struggled to figure out what was wrong with me, I learnt that medical ‘science’ is not about absolutes. No two bodies are identical. At 2am one morning a doctor told me my pain was ‘absolutely, categorically’ not coming from my heart. By 6am doctors were panicking around me as I was in the middle of my second heart attack. I removed the words ‘absolutely’ and ‘categorically’ from my vocabulary.
Prior to this my relationship to God had been founded on my religious upbringing, and my place in the world defined by what I was expected to do. Now I found myself going on a much more personal journey. I started meditating and turning within me. I started to have my own living, breathing experience of something ‘more’ that can’t be defined by or confined in words. And I realised it is irrelevant whether you call that ‘more’ God, the Divine, the Universe, universal energy, the All, Allah, Krishna, the Light, Creator, Love…
I connected with many people from different backgrounds and walks of life who refuse to be solely defined by other people’s labels, who share this vision for taking personal responsibility for changing themselves, and approach the world from a heart centred place.
Like me, they have found that in order to live an authentic life, you need to have your own inner experiences and be guided by the truth you find within you.
I had long since lost faith in politicians but now that I was steering clear of absolutes, I found myself stepping further away from the whole political arena.
We are at a strange time in the world with the election of Trump, Brexit and our elections making many feel powerless. After coming through a peace process that made us feel we could take back power, we are starting to feel we have no control.
I will of course vote and strongly encourage everyone else to vote, in order to have their voice heard, and to clearly show how they feel about the status quo, I am not waiting for those in Stormont to come and change my life. I am not waiting for them to heal the wounds of the past. I am taking self-responsibility for what I do and the presence I am in this world and I will not let myself be held back waiting for the politicians to change. I don’t believe we will find this humanity and hope through our politicians. We must find it and create it for ourselves. So vote, then ask yourself what can you do in your community and circle of friends to let someone feel that humanity and hope.
We need to remember we have all the power we need within us - the power to change ourselves, the power to change things in our sphere of influence, the power to be that illuminating, dissenting voice and presence that invites others to think and live differently and freely.
This is why I’ve started to organise gatherings called ‘And My Stone Heart Beats’ - a series of Silent Meditation-Prayer-Healing events that are planned across NI in 2017. These are gatherings of people of all beliefs and no beliefs to come together in community to send positive energy and healing into areas that have seen pain and tragedy.
These gatherings are about our shared humanity, about what happens when we stop looking at the differences, stop letting political, religious, gender, race or any label keep us separate and divided, and come together with a common aim – to change the energy, heal, reclaim our power and move on.
We have transformed so much; we have healed so much. But many of us still carry the emotional distress of our troubled past inside our hearts and still need to deeply and fully heal. Everyone of my generation personally know people who were killed or injured during the Troubles. We still carry the scars.
Our country carries the scars too. I believe that just as the emotional energy can get blocked in the body, so the energy in an area can get blocked. Just as your heart can turn to stone if you’ve been deeply hurt, the heart of a place can turn to stone. Sometimes it feels like the past is still hanging in the air – both as a haunting memory and as a dense energy full of heartache. But that heaviness can be lifted, that energy can move again, breathing life back into a place. It’s a shedding of skins to get to the purity underneath.
If we want true and deep change then we need to make that change – both deep within ourselves and in the energy and world around us. We don’t need to wait for the politicians. We don’t need others to do it for us. We don’t need others to give us permission. We can create that change.
That’s why I’m calling people to come together, to be still, to create a transcendent, sacred space together, a space where hearts are opened and magic can happen - regardless of who sits in Stormont. They are not the ones who will lead the real change. We are.
A gathering of people of all beliefs and no beliefs close to the peaceline in East Belfast, to send positive energy and healing into the area.
In Valentines week, we will create a pattern that symbolises love and Oneness together made out of stones. Bring a stone of your choice then place it where you feel guided, as we create this beautiful pattern together.
Then we will gather around our co-created pattern and sit for half an hour in silence to meditate/pray/send out positive intentions/visualise/whatever each individual would like to do.
Visual artist Bronagh Lawson will be guiding us as we shape and create our beautiful pattern.
7pm - 8pm: – place your stone where you feel guided as we create our pattern of love and oneness together.
- write your hopes, dreams and intentions if you wish to, and we will hang these as an installation in the space. Poet Maria McManus will be on hand to help and inspire.
- grab a cuppa while you think.
8pm - 8.30pm – we will gather around the symbolic pattern we have created together, and sit for half an hour in silence, perhaps with some calming music, sending out positive energy and healing in whatever way we choose to.
8.30 - 9pm – as you leave you can choose to take a stone with you, a connection to another person, a reminder of our connection to one another.
We are calling for a 100 people to come together. If you’re joining us, you can grab your free ticket at Eventbrite.
Please share and invite friends.
This is the first in a series of gatherings throughout 2017.
Huge thanks to poet Maria McManus, artist Bronagh Lawson and healer and artist Michelle Grattan for supporting this event.
Venue: St Martin’s Church (deconsecrated), 88 Newtownards Rd, Belfast, BT4 1GW
Date: Friday 17th February
Time: 7pm – 9pm
St Martin’s is very close to the bottom of the Newtownards Road, at the city centre end. It is across the road from St Matthews church in the Short Strand and down towards town a little. It’s a small red brick building nestled behind a business park. Watch for our signs outside.
For more info contact Deirdre Cartmill on email@example.com
Reclaim your vision and power, relax into life’s ebb and flow and bring all of you into this moment. This is the first inspiring monthly guidance message from my Divine Teachers.
This is a year for community and leadership, for living your vision, and empowering yourself.
Every day throughout December I’ll be sharing a beautiful, inspirational channelled message on my Facebook page - www.facebook.com/deirdrecartmill
These are messages of joy, peace and love and they’re from a book called 31 Ways To Happiness. They are an antidote to the confusion in the world and in our souls.
Check out the introductory video on my Facebook page for more on these messages and my journey to here, after suffering two heart attacks in a week at 43.
You are worthy, you are divinely loved, and you have a special gift to share. You can hold a new vision for yourself and for the world. Travel with me every day throughout December and take a small step each day back to the true you.
Awakening is both beautiful and terrifying at the same time. It’s hard to accept the Divine Love coming your way, the ever-changing energy, the talents and abilities you have, the role you are here to play.
You are being called on to open up to your full potential and to heal all your deep wounds. It takes courage.
What keeps us going? The moments of being flooded with love, of feeling deep joy and peace, of that deep stillness and peace in our hearts gradually becoming the norm.
The fear often stops us taking the first step – but we must feel the fear and do it anyway, as the alternative is continuing to live in a deadened life that ossifies our heart and soul.
There are two main fears we all face. Fear No.1 is feeling we are unworthy – unworthy of the Divine Love, unworthy of the natural gifts that are ours. We must remember we are worthy, we are deeply loved by the Divine and we have been given our special, unique gifts to help transform this world.
Fear No. 2 is that we must change. Yes, we must. But what we forget is that this change will be a gradual day by day change, step by step, breath by breath. You will not be forced to upturn your life overnight. You will not be forced to do anything ever! What will happen is that you will gradually begin to make new choices that lead to a gradual enhancement of all you are.
Awakening is simply returning to our natural state and realising that the state we currently live in is completely unnatural. Awakening is remembering – remembering the truth beyond our conditioning. It is remembering that we are meant to live in conscious awareness of our living, breathing connection with our Divine Source, and to feel this two-way flow of Love in every moment.
It’s an emotional seesaw as you flit from your spiritual life to your ‘real’ human life - until you realise they are all one life and you stop beating yourself up about not being perfect in every second. Accept the ebb and flow. It’s simply about being a truer version of you today than you were yesterday. It does get easier.
You will go through a phase of withdrawing from crowds and spending more time on your own. This is a time of introspection and self-care. It can also be a time of connecting fully with your inner Divine family.
Calling on our Divine family for help makes the path so much easier – calling on God, calling on our Divine teachers such as Jesus, Mary, Mary Magdalene, Buddha, Melchizedek and so many others, calling on our own spiritual guides, angels and archangels.
Remember we are returning to flow, peace, joy, Love and Light.
Our true resurrection is rising up out of the deadened half-life we are living into the Divine beings of Light and Love we truly are, and learning how to express this Divine True Self in this world.
It will be a rollercoaster ride. But isn’t it better to be alive than dead?
The choice is always yours…
We have this notion that enlightenment is a state we will click into one day and from then on we can just sit back and rest on our laurels. But enlightenment is actually an ongoing moment to moment choice to live in and from the Light – the Light that resides within you.
This is good news. This means that right now we can start to make this choice in each moment. It also means there have probably been many moments, however fleeting, when you were enlightened and living from the light. Think of those moments in meditation when everything clicked, those moments you felt a deep and living connection with something more, the moments of bliss, the moments you surprised yourself by acting like a much better version of you.
If we’ve done it before, we can do it again. We can finally ditch any notions that we are unworthy and not good enough to do it, as we’ve been there already. We can become more consistent in it and learn how to make this choice always.
It also means we can drop any notions that we have to wait to be enlightened in order to live in our oneness with God. If we open up to God now, open our hearts and surrender to this living, breathing oneness, then our Divine Source can guide us towards our enlightenment and teach us how make this an ongoing moment to moment experience.
It can all be so much easier. It is all meant to be so much easier. Sometimes it seems easier to hold onto the misinformation we’ve been taught as it lets us off the hook of having to change.
The truth is it is our choice. The truth is our loving Source and so many other Divine beings are by our side ready to help us if we let them. The truth is all it takes is a decision – and to keep on making the same decision over and over. Choose the Light.
I have a driving force in me that will cut through anything, that will get the job done no matter what. This power and drive helps me accomplish a lot. I have another side of me that embraces the sacred, that will sit in the bliss of meditation and simply surrender.
Now I’m learning how to combine the two because if I’m in one state and not the other the effect is diminished. The driving force will let me do what is necessary - but if I get up on a cross and do not sit in the sacredness, the act becomes pointless and devoid of meaning. If I sit in sacred space but never use it to accomplish sacred action it is equally wasted.
We need to bring these two sides of us together to work in beautiful harmony. This does not mean denying either side of this beautiful balance. When we are driven and powerfully doing, we need to simultaneously sit in the sacredness. Everything can become a sacred act – sacred breathing, sacred listening, sacred speaking, sacred being… Everything is changed and becomes sacred work.
There is a passion at the centre of this that we have been taught to deny. But there is a reason we call it the Passion of the Christ. There is a reason we use words like ecstasy, bliss and the Rapture to try to talk about our communion with our Source. This rapture, passion, joy is in our hearts when we experience our oneness with our true Beloved – our Divine Source. This passion is needed to get us to that oneness, to let our hearts rip open to this love. And when it is done in the purity of sacredness it is utterly powerful.
When we join our sacredness and our power in a passionate union we are an unstoppable force for good.
I know I’m only touching the edges of this understanding and experience. I can’t wait for it to deepen.
Many of us have experienced the void in one way or another, whether it’s feelings of deep loss, grief and emptiness in the physical or encountering the emptiness in meditation. Maybe right now you’re in the middle of this painful experience.
But what the void really is, is a feeling or belief that we have become disconnected from God, that our Divine Source has turned from us. But it’s not true. God has not disconnected from us. It’s as if we’ve accidentally turned off the wifi, and once we realise this, we can turn it back on again.
The truth is we can never be disconnected from God. God is within us. God is emitting from every part of us. God is us. When we are in that darkness, we need to turn back to that knowing that God is with us and within us.
I remember the first time I encountered the void in meditation. I was in a very deep state of meditation and knew I was about to encounter God – then I found myself in this dark void, this black emptiness. It was horrific. Every part of me screamed out is this it?
Luckily it only took me a few seconds to feel the potential for all creation rising up from what initially wrongly seemed like black emptiness, and then I saw that this potentiality for creation was God. When that knowing came I quickly moved beyond the darkness to a greater Light. My greatest lesson was in that moment - that dark emptiness is just as much God as the Light is.
When we really understand that this dark emptiness is just as much God as the Light is, then we don’t expect this darkness to be devoid of God. We don’t expect it to be a place where God cannot be. We look around the darkness and see God standing there with us. And we let Him/Her take our hand and lead us home.
I have had so many dark nights of the soul over my lifetime. I have been on my knees wailing in pain at a loss in the physical world. In meditation I have felt my body arching in pain, and felt like my heart and gut were being ripped out of my body, as I unshackled myself from layers of illusion that some part of me desperately wanted to hold onto.
My last dark night of the soul was last night. It was only then that I truly, truly came to understand that the dark emptiness is just as much God as the Light is – because my pain arose from the undeniable knowing that God is and has always been with me, that God loves me and has always loved me. I saw the unnecessary pain I had caused myself and I wept as I let the illusions go. I truly understood that everything I’d ever needed had always been with me and within me. I knew God’s love had been with me and within me always.
If you’re still in doubt think of Jesus on the cross. He may have momentarily felt alone, felt God had abandoned him - but do any of us doubt for a second that God was more fully with him in that moment than ever.
There is no place that God is not. God is in the darkness as well as the light. God is always and always will be with us. Let go and let God.
Who am I? This should be the easiest question for us to answer but when we’re asked this most of us respond with our roles – mother, teacher, brother, friend, shop assistant, footballer, healer.
If we’re telling the truth the answer would be scared, lonely, confused, feeling unloved and unworthy, lost. That’s certainly how I felt before my heart attacks.
But we all have this deep knowing inside us that tells us we are more, that this life was not supposed to be like this. We tell ourselves that if only we’d had a better start in life, if only that thing hadn’t happened to me, if my parents had been richer, kinder, sober then my life would have been so different.
The good news is it doesn’t matter what’s happened up until this moment – because right in this moment you can step out of the roles, step out of the shadows of the past, and step forward into the true you that’s waiting to burst forth from you.
The true you, that inner presence that you feel and know in those quiet moments, is not affected by these external things in your life. The true you that you’ve kept buried deep inside you is eternally beautiful, perfect, divinely unique and vitally important. The true you is special and needed in this world.
So how do you find this true self? The first step is to turn inside yourself; stop and look inwards. Just stop and be. Stop in the busyness. Stop listening to the voices around you. And when you go into the silence inside you, listen to that voice that is whispering to you, telling you what you dreamt of being, reminding you of what used to make you smile, assuring you that you can do all you know you are here to do.
Welcome to yourself. Listen to it. Let it guide you. Follow the passion of your soul and it will help you remember who you truly are. It will help you escape the drudgery and see clearly again. It will lead you back to peace, joy and love, back to your Divine Source, and to the Divinity that resides within you.
Who am I? Only you know the answer. Take courage. Listen. Believe. Start to live it now in this breath. Know you truly are a beautiful soul and can express this beauty here and now in this world, the moment you choose to.